Parenting Styles range from controlling and demanding to complete freedom loving and from cold and unresponsive to loving and receptive. Each Parenting Style has an important place to understand what it means to grow up with parents from each end of the spectrum. Let’s try to understand these parenting styles and their effects on children with the help of 4 examples.
Authoritative parents have a firm and loving behavior towards their children. They encourage independence within limits. Authoritative parents not only respect their child’s needs, but also believe that their kids need freedom within certain boundaries.
For Example: Ricky can play freely, but when he’s done, he needs to help clean up his room. He is allowed to eat ice cream but only on selected days or occasions. Time to watch television is limited to 30 minutes a day. Ricky learns that some situations are difficult but his parents always give him all the support he needed to get through it.
Here, the child develops the strength to endure hardships and to continue following his interests and passions. In class, he bravely expresses his own opinions in an appropriate manner during breaks, he can show his emotions and act as freely as he pleases. As an adult, this kid will agree to rules only after they have been discussed and he thinks that he understands them.
Authoritarian Parents are controlling and demand complete obedience without considering their child’s point of view or perspective.
For Example: Jacobs’s parents are authoritarian. They love their boy, but they believe that strict rules are important to make Jacob become well behaved and successful. If Jacob cries, he’s told to stop crying and start behaving like a strong boy. If he talks back or forgets to take care of hir chores around the house, he is scolded. Jacob is not allowed to play with his toys when there are guests at his home.
Here, the child learns that suppressing his emotions and following his duties is the only way to get the love of his parents and to avoid making them upset. He becomes obedient. However, the child was never allowed to decide for himself or follow his intrinsic interests. Hence, as an adult he doesn’t know what he really wants in life and begins living a life that seems perfect to his parents and the society, but might leave him unhappy and unsatisfied on the inside.
Permissive parents are very loving and do not exert any control on their children. There are no rules for children in these households.
For Example: Permissive parents like those of Jennifer love their children so much that they believe they should fulfil all their wishes. Jennifer’s parents give her complete freedom and never say no to anything. Jennifer enjoys full control over her life and gets whatever she wants from her parents. If she doesn’t want to walk, she’ll be carried. She wants ice cream, she’ll get ice cream. If she wants to play, she’ll be playing all night.
Here, the child grows up completely without borders and does whatever she thinks is right without any understanding of the consequences. She never faced any conflict and hence did not learn to control her emotions. The fact that she always got what she wanted, made her a bad loser and as she grows older, she might often act inconsiderate and would never know her limits.
Neglecting/ Uninvolved Parenting:
Neglecting parents are uninvolved and often uninterested in their own children. These parents usually are neither involved nor present in their children’s life.
For Example: Asif often feels completely alone. He has full freedom to do whatever he wants and has plenty of imagination, but he never received any feedback or attention he deserves. Asif realizes that it doesn’t matter what he does because no one cares about his actions.
Here, the kid becomes insecurely attached, unable to form healthy relationships and develops a negative image of himself to stop feeling unworthy of love and tries not to feel anything at all.